3.8

That is how many seconds it takes a one-and-a-half year old to open a box of 750 toothpicks and dump them onto the floor before her mother gets the chance to stop her. Ugh!

She loves to pull up a chair to the counter to "help" me, and I use that term very loosely, while I'm cooking. I had just finished icing some cupcakes for Elizabeth's spur of the moment birthday sleepover (due to soccer on the weekends, she had a sleepover on Thursday night because the kids had no school Friday for teacher development. It was two weeks before her actual birthday, but we pulled it off in about a week-and-a-half). I stuck the toothpicks in the cupcakes, covered them with plastic wrap, and walked thirteen steps into the dining room when I heard, "ping, ping, ping, ping...." about, oh, 725 times before realizing what Destruct-o-Girl was up to. I came running into the kitchen to find this lovely scene:

Crisis Averted

Last night, I was addressing some envelopes as the kids were finishing up a movie before bed. Elizabeth had made a big bowl of popcorn and was lying on the floor while munching. All of a sudden, a panicked Elizabeth jumped up and screamed, "MOM!!!!! MALLORY STUCK A POPCORN KERNEL UP HER NOSE!!!!!!!!" Now, for whatever reason, Elizabeth has a fear of getting something stuck up her nose. I don't know where that came from. She has never personally done it herself.

I looked at Mallory, who was standing by Elizabeth with a finger up her nose and a stunned look on her face. I picked her up and laid her on my lap to take a peek. Yep. There it was lodged in her right nostril. Mallory began crying, I think mostly because Elizabeth's spazing out scared her. She just laid against my chest as she finally calmed down. If I would try to look in her nose she immediately began crying again. Drew kept teasing Mal that he would come take it out which only upset her more.

So I wondered how in the world I would get it out. You can't really teach a one-year-old how to plug up the good nostril and launch that puppy out. And Edward was gone to a meeting, so I didn't have his help. I worried about the kernel getting stuck in her sinus cavity and causing an infection. And could it travel to and get lodged in her brain? Did this warrant a trip to the emergency room? Surprisingly with four children, we've never had one get an object stuck up his or her nose. About that time the phone rang. It was my sister-in-law, Katie, whose family was calling to wish Drew a happy birthday. I told her after they were done talking to Drew I needed to ask her a few questions. I knew she had some experience in the kid-sticking-objects-up-the-nose department. It's happened to her second child twice. So when I got back on the phone with her, she explained that yes, she had taken Sam to the doctor after he stuck a bead up his nose the first time. But the second time, he stuck a pill up there, and it just dissolved so she didn't have to take him in. She suggested that if we couldn't get it out, just to call the doctor to get her opinion.

I then (laughingly) called my sister who is a nurse, to get her opinion. She told me she stuck a bead up her nose in the third grade, and it never came out. She never told our Mom either. When I told Ross and Elizabeth, they thought that was amazing. Ross asked, "You mean it's still up there?!" Anyway, Andrea suggested I get a straw and try to suck it out. Hahahaha! Drew immediately ran and got a crazy straw.

About that time I decided that I needed another adult to help me hold her down. So I called Edward at his church meeting and asked him to come home. I'm not one of those wives that can't do anything or go any where without my husband, but I thought I better get his help so I didn't accidentally hurt her while trying extract the kernel from her nostril.

When he got home he held her down (as you can imagine, she was not too happy with us), Ross shined a flashlight up her nose, Drew was intently watching, and Elizabeth was sobbing uncontrollably while I came at Mallory with the straw. After two tries I realized that wasn't going to work. Edward released her for a minute while I went to go find tweezers. We put her back in the torture hold while I tried to work some magic with the tweezers. After three attempts, I realized that wasn't going to work either. So then I used the opposite, flat end and successfully flipped it out. Mallory immediately scrambled free from us and climbed up onto the couch for a little de-stressing and solitude. For the rest of the night, she would stick her finger up her nose and say, "All gone!"

And that, my friends, is how a crisis was averted at the Felker household.

Happy 5th Birthday, Drew Boy!

What's up, Chuck?

Do you know what is the scariest thing for me to wake up to in the middle of the night? A child crying out from a nightmare? No. A child falling out of bed? Nope. A burglar ransacking my house? Not even close. It's these five words: MOMMY, I'M GOING TO PUKE! Nothing jars me out of bed quicker than the thought of being splashed in the face with up-chuck! "WELL, GET TO THE BATHROOM!!!!" We had a fun night of this Friday. Drew had been coughing and coughing and coughing as I was lying down to go to sleep at 1:00 a.m. I helped him into the bathroom, but nothing happened so I laid him back down with a big bowl. A couple of minutes later, I still heard lots of coughing, then rapid running of his feet followed by "SPLAT. SPLAT. SPLAT" and more running into the bathroom. Fantastic. Apparently he made it into the bowl, then left the bowl in his bed as he ran into the bathroom, leaving a colorful and stinky trail into the toilet. Yay! I love cleaning that up in the middle of the night! And did it just get onto the tile floor where it would be easier to clean up? Of course not! It got all over the carpet, and then stopped just before the tile. When Edward and I were in bed again after cleaning up the mess, we both said we think it's getting harder to clean that up the older we get.

My kids have always been pukers. As babies, they could spit-up like no one's business. Ross was the worst! It was PROJECTILE, but it never seemed to bother him. He was unbelievable, I tell you! He would spit up (similar to the pressure you see from a fire hose) and finish with a smile on his face. We once had a family gathering at my parents' house when he was six months old. Everyone was lounging around the living room, and I was standing up, holding him as he was facing out toward everyone. He spit up, and I tried to swing him away from everyone, but it didn't work. I am not exaggerating when I say he sprayed fifteen feet, in a motion similar to a sprinkler. Everyone ducked for cover. My brother-in-law literally dove behind the couch, just as a combat soldier would. When Ross and Elizabeth were little I called them "Barf Boy and his trusty sidekick Gag Girl." After Drew was born, he had some trouble and had to stay in the nursery for a few hours before I could hold him. When they finally wheeled him into me after what seemed like an eternity, he spit up a bunch, and I said, "Yep, that one's mine!"

The kids don't get upset stomachs much at all. But when they get colds, look out! I would MUCH rather them get a stomach bug than a cold. They cough and cough until they erupt. I think it's a combination of their honkin' big tonsils (well, before the oldest two had theirs removed - Drew is next!) and their VERY sensitive gag reflexes. So, if your kid has a cold, we're steering clear of you!

Snow Days

Seven inches of sleet and snow has shut our town down for the past five days. I know it would be considered just a dusting to some of my Utah and Chicago friends and family, but we're enjoying the lazy days that accompany the first big snow of the season.

96

This weekend we celebrated my Great-Grandma's 96th birthday! She is quite an amazing woman. Three years ago on Thanksgiving, she fell and broke her hip. We all thought that was probably going to be the end of her long life because not many almost 93 year-olds would survive that injury. She was home in time to celebrate Christmas that year. Since that time she has lived with her daughter (my great-aunt) during the week, but she insists she live at her own house (by herself) on the weekends. My mom (pictured above with Grandma Rowe) and the three siblings of hers that live in the area, take one Sunday a month as their "Grandma Day." Since we join my parents each Sunday for family dinners, we get to be with her on the first Sunday of each month. Mentally she's still pretty spry. Her hearing isn't so great, and she has to use a walker to get around, but she's one remarkable woman! She's out lived her husband by nearly 40 years and out lived her son (my Grandpa) by twenty years.

My uncle Butch (my mom's twin) flew in from Washington to surprise Grandma, and the rest of us. It was great to see him.

My mom & her siblings

Randy, Mom, Cathy, Butch, Cindy

Grandma and all of her Grandchildren

She also has 19 Great-Grandchildren and 22 Great-Great-Grandchildren (I think) with two more on the way.

It's Not Just Mallory

Elizabeth played dressed-up, too, yesterday. Introducing Mariachi Elizabeth!

Mom's eyeliner completed the look.

OLE!

And Drew was running around yesterday as "Tarzan Baseball Soccer Underwear Boy."

More (Cute) Weirdness

I found Mal like this when I came downstairs this morning.
Elizabeth's shiney rock-star dress-up pants over her jammies and wearing Daddy's house shoes.

Let the Weirdness Begin

It appears Mallory is entering the weird dress-up phase. Now she is often found wearing whatever article of clothing the big kids have discarded onto the floor. She likes to wear socks on her hands the best. She could care less that the socks are sweaty from being worn to school all day. She also puts socks over the ones she's wearing. It's not uncommon for me to pull three pair off of her feet at once. I found out (after the fact) that Drew decided not to wear any underwear to school today because he thought the ones I picked out were too bulky under his pants. Mallory came to me with Drew's Hulk boxer briefs over her own pants, telling me, "Dewie's unnaware."

Notice the gloves have now been put on her feet.

So far she comes no where close to the charming get-ups Elizabeth use to wear. Classic. This one is my all-time favorite:

Fleece hat, mittens, swimming suit, and tap shoes.

She use to wear this one as she climbed the tree in front of our house.

Or how about this Christmas treat?

Batman mask and chest protector, leotard, tutu, princess socks, and again, tap shoes.

And then there's this jewel.

Wide-brimmed hat, dress, shin guards, and snow boots.

This could be an entertaining phase!

Meeting Baby Andrew

This weekend we were able to meet our nephew, Andrew, for the first time. He and Jan Ellen are in Missouri for two weeks, and this is the first we got to see him. What a sweet little/big guy! He is 4 months old, and Mallory is 21 months old. He only weighs three pounds less than her, thus earning the nickname, Baby Big. He's so snuggly! He let us all pass him around for two days.

I'm pretty sure he enjoyed meeting us too!

A Call For Creativity

I'm looking for some decorating advice. Anyone? Anyone? Buehler? My mom passed on this coffee table to me. Originally it had a window pane on top. But I broke out all of the glass because I knew a kid's foot was sure to go through it. I left the wooden grid in place. I bought some plexi glass to replace the glass. I stayed up pretty late one night scoring and snapping it to fit to size. I then used some adhesive on the underside of the grid and used clamps for the adhesive to dry overnight. The next morning, I thought it was all set to go and placed it in the living room. Basically Drew gave it a light little touch and the plexi glass fell right through. Nice. So, that left the exposed grid again. I had the intention of screwing the plexi glass in place, but before I could do so, Elizabeth informed me a few days later that she "accidentally" broke my table. It seems while I was outside playing with the other three, enjoying the house and TV all to herself, she sat down on the grid (like she was warned NOT to do) and busted it right through. Again, nice. I proceeded to screw the plexi glass to the underside of the frame, but I don't know what to display underneath. Any ideas? It is about 4 inches deep and about 2 feet by 2 feet.

*Excuse the sippy in the table. I don't really plan on displaying it in the case. Mallory just set it in there as soon as I opened the table. I'm sure that's not the first time this will happen. I fully expect to find Barbies and Ben 10 toys hanging out in there on occasion.

Cabbage Patch Kids

Ahh, Cabbage Patch Kids. I love them. When I think of them, I remember fondly the many days of playing house with Katie and Laura in our basements, and "driving" them around in Megan's mom's car. How I loved to collect them. I think I had seven in all during my house-playing days. My friend Jessie even got to tour the real Cabbage Patch Kid Nursery on a family vacation when she was younger. What a heavenly trip for a little girl!

Even today I still love to look at Cabbage Patch Kids' names when I am at the toy store. I think that is one of my favorite things about them - their fantastic names. I got my very first (and favorite) CPK for Christmas when I was six in 1984. She came to me during The Great Cabbage Patch Kid Frenzy all the way from Spain! Her name was Roofina Nanette. She had bright orange hair and lots of cute freckles. I still have her today, although I have handed her down to my girls. Some of my other CPK's names were Kelly Webber, Keith something, Nikki Avril, and I have forgotten the rest.

Elizabeth's CPK's names are Angelina Julie, Jadyn Emily, and Reece something. Which brings me to this cute little girl. Elizabeth found her in a children's resale shop and fell in love with her. She used her own money to adopt her. But because she isn't originally ours, we don't know her name. What do you think? What would be a good name for this little girl? In my mind, I call her LaFonda Loraine, but Elizabeth says no way. Any creative suggestions?

Big Girl

I have really mixed feelings about Mallory taking the initiative to potty train herself. She started asking to use the potty about two months ago. She was very gung-ho and doing great, then we kind of had to put it on hold when Edward and I were in the hospital with his Mom. And with the excitement and business of the month of December, it kind of got pushed to the back burner. She has started to want to use it a lot again. I don't ever have to ask her if she has to go. She comes to me and screams with excitement, "POTTY!!!" And she is very determined! She can sit there for a long time. She also gets frustrated with me when I won't flush her toots. She knows she's worked hard, and the flushing is the fruit of her labors.

Now, don't get me wrong, the idea of not having to change a twenty-month-old's diapers is very appealing to me. And saving an extra $40 bucks a month would be great. But the thought of being tethered to that training toilet for at least a week, not leaving the house is not my idea of fun. The other three kids were really easy to train (Elizabeth trained herself before she was nineteen months - EASY), so I should keep that in mind. However, even after already doing this three times, the whole thing is still daunting to me.
But seeing this sweet little face light up over her big girl accomplishments should be my biggest motivation!

Richard is there a mark on my face?

Sunday at church, Drew fell and hit his cheek on a table in the foyer. It left quite a long, purple bruise on his sweet little cheek. The bruise doesn't really show up very well in this photo, but it's pretty big. And every time I look at it, it reminds my of this scene from one of my favorite (very high quality) movies, Tommy Boy (Richard and Tommy Boy have just gotten in a fight and Richard whacked Tommy Boy in the face with a 2 X 4):

Christmas Pics

Santa was extremely good to us again this year.

Despite her sheer terror at the mere mention of his name, Santa brought Mallory her much wanted baby doll along with proper baby gear.
Mal even has tested the baby's bed. Yep, it's pretty sturdy!

Drew got some cool boy stuff along with his desired underwear and video game.

Elizabeth received her Nintendo DS and has already acquired quite an arsenal of games.

Ross received lots of games for his DS and PlayStation along with some other cool boy stuff.

After my many threats of "I think you've just earned yourself some coal this year," Santa kind of played along with me. He brought some coal bubble gum to the older three. Perfect. Not too mean, but kind of gets the point across.

After Drew chewed some of his, it looked like he was Dick Van Dyke's apprentice in Mary Poppins.

And then it got spilled all into the carpet. Hooray!

The crew revelling in some Christmas bliss. They even let Daddy use some of their new gifts!

While we are a pretty practical kind of family, we splurged with some of the generous Christmas money we received from some family members ,and we joined most of the free world in purchasing a Wii. Can I just say, how awesome!? We have had a blast with it! The kids are usually the ones asking when do they get to play. Edward and I have had a lot of friendly competitions. Drew annihilates most of his opponents in boxing. We have all been so sore the last few days. Lots of fun.

Why Men Shouldn't Wrap Gifts:

This was the gift my big brother Aaron presented my little brother Ben. "Tape?! I don't need no stinking tape!" Take a wad a wrapping paper, twist it all around the gift, rubber-band it in place, and VIOLA!
And this beauty was created by my dear husband. He really was trying to be helpful in all the bustle the day we left for Christmas with his family. I came home to find this little jewel. Let me just say this photo doesn't do this gift justice. It bothered me so much I had to redo it. I was sorry I didn't take an "after" picture to show the difference between our wrapping jobs.

Stephanie, The Movie Critic

Our family very rarely goes to the movie theater. This is due to several reasons. 1.) It is expensive to take a crew of 6 to a movie. And 2.) our movie theater is pretty measly, and I hate to pay the admission for a mediocre movie experience.

But during our fun-filled two weeks of vacation, we went to see not one, but two movies! We used some family Christmas money from my Granny to see one we've all been wanting to see. And I found $15 in my purse left over from our Christmas money that somehow I didn't spend. Surprising.

The movie we had all been waiting to see was Bedtime Stories. LOVED IT! An award winning movie it is not, but it was so fun! Great story line, funny (I do love Adam Sandler), clean, it appealed to us all. We were not disappointed, and I was glad we spent the money to go see it. I recommend it.

Now, two thumbs WAY DOWN for The Tale of Despereaux. I was SO disappointed! Edward stayed back with Mallory (lucky him), so it was just me and the big three. Ross and Elizabeth have been reading the book (with the hope of finishing it over Christmas, but that didn't happen!) so they really wanted to see it. It certainly did not live up to the hype! The kids liked it alright, but I thought it was a real snoozer. Have you ever started a book that you just couldn't get into? That's how I felt with this movie. I kept waiting for the exciting part, but it never came in my opinion. I was bummed that I wasted the money.

And there you have it.

Letters to Santa

Hope your Christmas was wonderful! The kids sent the letters they wrote to Santa to our newspaper, and they were published on Dec. 23rd.

Dear Santa,

Merry Christmas! I know I screamed bloody murder when I went to see you at Winter Wonderland, but I really do like you! I talk about you all the time at my house! I told my Mommy and Daddy I would sit on your lap to talk to you, but I lost my nerve when the time came. Maybe next year?!

I really hope you'll bring me a baby doll! I love them! I hope you'll bring my brothers and sister some nice things too!

We can't wait for you to come to our house!

Love, Mallory Felker (19 months)

*By the way, Mallory has been very traumatized by her visit with Santa. Every time someone has asked her about what she wanted Santa to bring her, she cowers and makes a sad face and says, "Santa. Scared."

Dear Santa,

I have been a good boy, and my brother and sisters have been good, too!

I want Sonic Unleashed for PlayStation2 for Christmas, please. Sonic is SO fast! And I really, really want that Sonic game for Christmas. I also want some underwear for Christmas - boxer shorts underwear. Isn't' that awesome?!

I will leave some milk and cookies for you on Christmas Eve!

Love, Drew Felker (4 years)

*And he was very serious about the underwear thing! No characters or anything - just plain underwear! I think the majority of it was the humor factor. That boy likes to make people laugh!

Dear Santa,

How are things in the workshop? I'm excited for Christmas, are you? Did you know I got to play the part of your wife, Mrs. Claus, in my school musical? Are your reindeer getting ready for the big night?

Please bring me a Nintendo DS and some make-up for Christmas. I have been good this year, too! My family read a book called The Autobiography of Santa Claus. We learned all about your life.

Merry Christmas! Elizabeth Felker (7 years)

Dear Santa,

hi! How are you? I am excited for Christmas, are you?

What I really want for Christmas is basically all video games. I want Ultimate Band and Lego Batman for my DS. I want Backyard Football 2009 and NCAA Football 2009 for my PlayStation2. I hope you have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Ross Felker (9 years)

Kneeling Santa Prayer

The sleigh was was all packed, the reindeer were fed,
But Santa still knelt by the side of his bed,
"Dear Father, " he prayed, "Be with me tonight.
There's much work to do and my schedule is tight.
My sack will hold toys to grant all kids' wishes.
The supply will be endless like the loaves and the fishes.
I can do all these things, Lord, only through You.
I just need your blessing, then it's easy to do.
I do this only to honor the birth of the One,
That was sent to redeem us, Your most Holy Son.
So to all of my friends, lest Your glory I rob,
Please, Lord, remind them who gave me this job."

Impossible

I have determined it is nearly impossible to take portraits of a family of six where everyone looks nice at the same time!

While everyone was dressed up for Christmas Sunday, I wanted to get a quick picture of the fam looking spiffed up in front of the Christmas tree. In order to do this, I had to use the timer, and the lighting was VERY bad that time of morning. I had some limitations, but I just wanted everyone to be looking at the camera and smiling. Oh, and we were also running late for church (pretty much a weekly occurrence, unfortunately).

Here we had one family member looking like she was being booked in the county jail.

Here we had one family member with a finger in her mouth.

Here one family member looks less than enthused, while another has a tongue sticking out.

And sadly, this is the best one of the bunch. One family member is making a goofy face. This same family member has many, many pictures like this.

The Faded Blue Blanket

Fred Bauer

The most frightened shepherd that night was little Ladius, just ten. He cowered behind his three older brothers when the blinding star lit the hillside. When the angel appeared, he hid behind a huge rock.

Yet after Ladius heard the glad news, fear left him, and he limped back to his brothers, who were planning to set out for Bethlehem.

"Who will tend the sheep?" asked Samuel, the oldest at sixteen. Ladius, leaning against his shepherd's crook to support a crippled foot, volunteered, "I'd only slow you down. Let me stay with the sheep." He wet his lip as he talked. The brothers weakly protested at first, then made plans to go."We must each take a gift," said Samuel. One brother chose his flint to start a fire for the Christ child. Another picked meadow lilies to make a garland for the king. Samuel decided on his most precious possession--his gold ring.

"Here--take my blanket to him," said Ladius. It was badly worn, a faded blue with patches.

"No, Ladius," said Samuel, tenderly. "The blanket is too tattered to give even a beggar--let alone a king. Besides, you will need it tonight.

"The brothers departed, leaving Ladius alone by the fire. He laid his head upon the blanket and buried his face in his hands. Tears forcedtheir way between his fingers, but soon the hush of night soothed the boy's heartbreak. The world in silent stillness lay.

"Are you coming, Ladius?" called a voice. Standing nearby was the same angel who had brought the news. "You wanted to see the child, didn't you?"

"Yes," nodded Ladius, "but I must stay here."

"My name is Gabriel," said the angel. "Your sheep will be watched. Take my hand, and bring your blanket. The child may need it.

"Suddenly, Ladius was outside a stable. Kneeling by a manger were his brothers. Ladius started to call out, but the angel lifted a finger to his lips.

"Give me the blanket," Gabriel whispered. The angel took it and quietly covered the baby. But the blanket was no longer faded. Now it glistened like dew in the brilliance of a new day. Returning, Gabriel squeezed Ladius's hand: "Your gift was best, because you gave all that you had.

"Wake up, Ladius, wake up!" The boy rubbed his eyes and tried to shield them from the glaring sun. Hovering over him was Samuel.

"Did you find him?" asked Ladius."Yes," replied Samuel, "but first tell me why you were sleeping without your blanket."

Ladius looked about with wonder. The faded blue blanket was nowhere to be found--then, or thereafter.