April Fool's Day, Oh how I love thee!

I love April Fool's Day! I'm a big fan! Now, I do not like pranks where people feel bad or are embarrassed - just the good natured prank! And I really can't take credit for the gags I pull. I get most of my ideas from Family Fun Magazine. They have some really good ones.

This year I moved a sleeping Drew from his bed and put him into Mallory's empty crib (she has been sleeping in a toddler bed for two weeks). He was quite befuddled to wake up in the middle of the night to unfamiliar surroundings.

I squirted a couple of drops of blue food coloring in Elizabeth's empty glass this morning. I asked her if she wanted a drink of water. She said yes, and I had her watch me as I filled it with tap water. She was so confused at seeing the clear water coming from the faucet turn dark blue in the glass!

I also pulled some good ones on Edward. I filled his Jeep with inflated balloons. He woke up to a party in his car! My favorite, though, was another idea I got from this month's Family Fun. I blew up a balloon but didn't tie a knot in it. I carefully held the unknotted end and closed it in the door leading to the basement. As Edward opened the door, in the dark at 6:00 a.m., to exercise, he was blasted in the chest with a deflating balloon. He said he about wet his pants. Oh, the thought of that has made me giggle all day.

And of course I've been hearing things all day from the kids like, "Mom, you have a spider on your shirt!" and "I have a really sore throat" followed by "APRIL FOOLS!!!!!!" Ross really got Edward this afternoon after the kids' dental check-ups. Edward asked how it went, and Ross replied, "I have two cavities, Elizabeth has three, and Drew has one." MY sweet husband that hates to spend money was VERY annoyed. He was quite relieved to hear, "April Fools." Elizabeth told her speech teacher today that I was going to have a baby. Her teacher excitedly grabbed her and yelled, "What!?" She about had a heart attack when Lizzy informed her, "April Fools." I thought that was a pretty good one.

In years past I also pulled that one on Edward. I had saved a positive pregnancy test (don't ask me why - I've since pitched it) and presented it to Edward one year when Drew had just turned one. Again, he was relieved to hear, "April Fools."

Another one of my favorites was the time I took a message for Edward when he was gone. I told him a Mr. Lyon had called and asked for him to call him back. The name didn't sound familiar to him. He didn't think it was a client. So he called the number I had written down and heard, "Hello, St. Louis Zoo. How can I direct your call?" Luckily he didn't have to ask to speak to Mr. Lyon before he figured it out. ;)

My favorite prank of all wasn't actually on April Fool's Day. My sister's family had been in Nashville for the weekend visiting her sister-in-law's family. While they were gone, I took a queen size white sheet and spray painted in big red letters, "WELCOME HOME ANDREA AND TOMMIE - 2005 NASHVILLE SQUARE DANCING CHAMPIONS." We snuck over to their house about an hour before they were to arrive home, and we hung it up on their house for all their neighbors to see. Later that night, I got a call from a hysterically laughing Andrea telling me, "Guess what our neighbors did?!?!" She proceeded to tell me about the sign, thinking all along it was their next door neighbors. At that point I just had to go along with it and laugh too. She hung up with me, and I decided I wouldn't fess up if she didn't figure it out. A few minutes passed, and she called me back, laughing even harder, asking if it was us. I confessed, and she told me after she called me the first time, she called her neighbor (thinking she was the culprit) and said excitedly, "Bonnie! Guess what? We just got home from the Nashville Square Dancing competition, and we won first place!" A stunned Bonnie just said, "Oh?! Um, congratulations." It was then that they figured it wasn't the neighbors. I don't think I'll ever be able to top that one! It was priceless.

Happy April Fooling!

It Doesn't Work

You know what doesn't work? Coming up with a lame contest for kids, to see who can behave the best on family outings. The reward was a candy bar. I take it back, the contest only works for kids under 5, not for 8 and 9 year olds. Their too old to buy in to the gimmick.

We're In Trouble

Two nights ago our family enjoyed the wonderfully mild weather by taking a walk in our great neighborhood. Mallory began pointing at certain houses and saying, "I want to go in that one house." We noticed a pattern. The houses she was saying that about were the nicest, biggest, most expensive houses in the neighborhood. By the end of walk we were laughing so hard. Edward would purposely point to a smaller house and ask her if she wanted to go into it. She would say, "No." Then we would pass by another big house, and she would say it again. We laughed hysterically when we passed by an Infinity QRX-pensive, and she said, "I want that car." Her Daddy told her she needed to start thinking now about which doctor she would marry when she grows up. She's not even 2 yet, and she already has a taste for the finer things in life. We're in trouble.

Funny Question of the Day

Posed by Drew, age 5

"Mom, do chickens sweat?"

Out of the Mouths of Babes

*I found this parent/child survey, and I thought it would be interesting to see how my oldest three answered.

Ask your child(ren) these questions and enter their answers...Quite amusing!

Answered by Drew, age 5
Elizabeth, age 8
Ross, age 9

1. What is something mom always says to you?
"I love you"
"I Love you"
"How was your day?"

2. What makes mom happy?
Saying I love you
Telling you that I love you
Telling you I love you and giving you a hug

3. What makes mom sad?
When her brother died
When I don't listen
When Jo Jo died or when our family dies

4. How does your mom make you laugh?
Tell a joke
Acting silly & playing with me
Telling jokes, tickling me

5. What was your mom like as a child?
Awesome
Quiet & shy
Playing sports

6. How old is your mom?
86
30
30

7. How tall is your mom?
100 feet tall
5' 10"
5' 6"

8. What is her favorite thing to do?
Taking a bath
Go see a Harry Connick, Jr. concert
Having fun

9. What does your mom do when you're not around?
Go potty
At night when I go to sleep she watches a movie & has a date with Dad.
Plays with Mallory & Drew or cleans the house

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
Taking pictures
Singing and making clothes
A movie star

11. What is your mom really good at?
Playing on the computer on this network (?)
Taking care of me
Playing the piano or singing

12. What is your mom not very good at?
Going outside (?)
Dancing!
Sports like football or soccer

13. What does your mom do for a job?
Change diapers (yep!)
A stay-home mom and takes care of us
Cleans the house or a stay-home mom

14.What is your mom's favorite food?
Beef
Shrimp
Pizza

15.What makes you proud of your mom?
Being a good mom
Loving me and doing a lot of school activities with me
Being a mom

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?
Dash
A mother with bad dancing
Yo Gabba Gabba

17. What do you and your mom do together?
Get a new movie
Go to the Nutcracker every other year
Practice piano

18. How are you and your mom the same?
Blonde hair
We are both girls, and people say we look the same.
She likes sports and I like sports.

19. How are you and your mom different?
Mom plays on the 'puter a lot and I don't.
I have a different style of clothes.
She doesn't like wrestling.

20. How do you know your mom loves you?
She tells me.
She takes care of me.
She says she loves me.

21. What does your mom like most about your dad?
I don't know.
She thinks he's handsome.
That he's handsome

22. Where is your mom's favorite place to go?
Chevy's (yes sir!)
Red Lobster (Mmmm....)
Chevy's (Do you see the pattern here?)

23. What do you love most about your mom?
Going to Chevy's and Chuck E. Cheese's with her
She takes care of me and lets us go to fun places.
She's fun.

24. If you could go anywhere in the world with just your mom, where would you go?
To visit Sterling, Chuck E. Cheese's and Chevy's
France & Hawaii
Paris

25. If you could buy your mom a gift, what would you buy her?
Chevy's food and flowers and a card
A week alone in Hawaii, and free passes to Chevy's with only her favorite food.
Jewelry

Elizabeth's Baptism

We had a wonderful weekend with our dear family that attended Elizabeth's baptism. Due to my nearly dead camera, this is the only photo I was able to take of the day, but it is one I cherish. It was a sweet, family oriented baptism, with Elizabeth and her Grandad singing a duet, both of her grandmothers speaking, and other family members giving prayers and providing the music. It was a very special day for our family.

We were lucky enough to have all of Elizabeth's "Wright" family attend, seeing that they all live within an hour's drive. We had a majority of the "Felker" family attend. They travelled from Jefferson City, Columbia, & Kansas City. We were sad that the other three families couldn't attend, but the seven, twelve, and twenty-four hour drives make a weekend trip out of the question! Saturday night we squeezed twenty people into "Hotel Felker." We actually had beds for all of the adults, and of course the kids loved being together and sleeping on the floor. The four oldest boys expecially enjoyed sleeping in our dungeon of a basement!

Lil' Blago

Mallory's impersonation of Rod Blagojevich

Random

Here are some of my random thoughts:

1. Why don't people RSVP? It's pretty annoying actually. If someone thinks enough of you to invite you to a party, you should think of them enough to let them know if you will be attending.

2. Craigslist cracks me up. I've been browsing some furniture lately, and I'm amused at how much people ask for their old, ugly, beat up furniture. You should check it out sometime.

3. Mallory discovered that she really likes prunes. And Edward discovered he REALLY doesn't like that she discovered prunes. He got to change her diaper (and clothes) last night while I was gone. Hee, hee, hee.

4. The reason I haven't gotten into Facebook so much is because I've heard how easily it is to get sucked in. Case in point, I spent TWO hours this morning adding pictures to my account. BIG WASTE OF MY TIME!

5. We will have 20 people sleeping at our house Saturday night after Elizabeth's baptism. I should TOTALLY be shopping, cleaning and cooking, but I am such a procrastinator, hence the two hours on Facebook!

6. Also, I can't figure out how to delete some comments from friends of friends on Facebook. I really don't care to have some of the language that is used to be displayed on my page. Call me a prude.

7. I'm kind of nervous about having 20 people sleeping here and getting everyone to church by 9:00... and switching the clocks forward for Daylight Savings! I anticipate some grumpy kids, but we're really looking forward to having everyone here!

8. Did you know if you go to a Chinese restaurant on your birthday, you get a cake decorated with cherries and cucumbers? It was pretty interesting, and I was sorry I didn't have my camera.

9. I loved the movie Kitt Kittridge! I think I liked it more than the kids!

10. I'm reading a book called "Life As We Knew It." It's about an asteroid that hits the moon, knocking it out of place, therefore causing tsunamis and other calamities. That causes worldwide pandemonium - runs on food, gas at $9+ per gallon, schools being cancelled. It's pretty interesting and certainly makes you think.

11. Ross decided not to play spring (and summer) baseball. So when indoor soccer wraps up for Elizabeth & Drew in a few weeks, we're freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee until who knows when! The whole family is pretty excited!

Learning to Spell

Drew is going to be starting Kindergarten in the fall. It's exciting to see him wanting to learn to read and write and create. Last night I pulled out the "Dick and Jane" book that I learned to read from 25 years ago. It is so awesome to see my baby learning to read! He also knows how to spell a couple of words: Drew, Ross, Mom, Dad, No, Yes, Love... some of the basics.

A couple of weeks ago, I heard Elizabeth SCREAM! It wasn't a playful scream, so I ran in to see what was the matter. She yelled, "Look!" This is what I found:


It seems he's learned how to spell a new word. Two in fact - Poo and Poop. And he even wrote it on the back of Elizabeth's reading chart, the one that her teacher checks her progress. I'm sure she'll be anxious to get Drew as a student!

Happy Birthday, Elizabeth!

And to her twin cousin, Julia! They were born 9 hours apart on March 1, 2001. Even though we're sadly separated by many, many miles, they love each other dearly. Edward asked Elizabeth last week who her best friend is, and without skipping a beat she said, "Julia."

Right of Passage

In our family turning eight is a big deal because it means you are old enough to be baptized. Elizabeth turns eight next week! So to celebrate this important milestone, we let her get a big birthday present a little early. She got her ears pierced!

She really had her heart set on getting it done last night. So we loaded the whole gang into the van and headed to Wal-Mart with cameras in hand. Once we arrived at the jewelry department, we learned that the lady that does the piercing had left for the evening. Elizabeth was very disappointed. But we were told that we could purchase an ear piercing kit and just do it ourselves. Elizabeth was faced with a dilemma. Should she wait a few days and have a professional do it, or should she take a chance that Mom could figure it out and get it done that night? She chose to have me do it. So we headed back home with the little white piercing gun and starter earrings.

We video recorded the ordeal, but I cannot for the life of me figure out how to get it loaded onto the computer from our Handycam. Anyway, as you can imagine it was pretty exciting! She was eager and smiling and nervous all at the same time. She held her Daddy's hands as we counted to three. The gun snapped, she immediately yelped and then turned her head, causing the gun to slip out of my hand where it dangled from her ear for a split second. Ouch! It hurt her, but I think it scared her more than any thing. She then asked me to use ice to numb the other ear. We iced it for about five minutes, and then we were ready to move on. She also wanted to bite down on something while holding her Daddy's hands at the same time. At that point she told me she didn't want me to do it. I convinced her she would look pretty silly if she just had one earring. She let me do it even though she was really scared. That one went in quicker, and then we were all done. It took a few minutes for her to venture to the mirror to take a peek.

Before - all smiles

After the first one was finished, she was pretty apprehensive to say the least.

Admiring her cuteness

She kind of cried throughout the rest of the night and this morning about how sore and tender they were. However, as soon as she got to church, she forgot the pain and basked in revealing her new look to her friends and family. She's pretty excited to show her friends at school tomorrow.

Lucky Ladies

Yesterday I saw two women that had babies within the last month. Both of these women's figures were A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. Sickeningly flat stomachs. I turned to my friend and asked, "How do you do that!?!" When the second woman was asked, "You just had this baby?!" she sweetly replied, "It's from breastfeeding." Now, I could be Octomom and nurse every single one of those eight babies around the clock, and I can guarantee you that my stomach would NOT just melt off in a mere four weeks. Heck, I still have a belly from my first baby... NINE YEARS AGO. I am reminded of a time when I called a lady to ask how she was doing two weeks after the birth of her first child. Her reply: "Oh, pretty well. I was finally able to fit into my pre-pregnancy jeans." I had to excuse myself while I went into the bathroom to barf.

So, if you happen to be one of these freaks of nature, er, I mean extremely blessed women, please, please understand just how lucky you are!!!!! And in my dreams I will pretend I'm you!

3.8

That is how many seconds it takes a one-and-a-half year old to open a box of 750 toothpicks and dump them onto the floor before her mother gets the chance to stop her. Ugh!

She loves to pull up a chair to the counter to "help" me, and I use that term very loosely, while I'm cooking. I had just finished icing some cupcakes for Elizabeth's spur of the moment birthday sleepover (due to soccer on the weekends, she had a sleepover on Thursday night because the kids had no school Friday for teacher development. It was two weeks before her actual birthday, but we pulled it off in about a week-and-a-half). I stuck the toothpicks in the cupcakes, covered them with plastic wrap, and walked thirteen steps into the dining room when I heard, "ping, ping, ping, ping...." about, oh, 725 times before realizing what Destruct-o-Girl was up to. I came running into the kitchen to find this lovely scene:

Crisis Averted

Last night, I was addressing some envelopes as the kids were finishing up a movie before bed. Elizabeth had made a big bowl of popcorn and was lying on the floor while munching. All of a sudden, a panicked Elizabeth jumped up and screamed, "MOM!!!!! MALLORY STUCK A POPCORN KERNEL UP HER NOSE!!!!!!!!" Now, for whatever reason, Elizabeth has a fear of getting something stuck up her nose. I don't know where that came from. She has never personally done it herself.

I looked at Mallory, who was standing by Elizabeth with a finger up her nose and a stunned look on her face. I picked her up and laid her on my lap to take a peek. Yep. There it was lodged in her right nostril. Mallory began crying, I think mostly because Elizabeth's spazing out scared her. She just laid against my chest as she finally calmed down. If I would try to look in her nose she immediately began crying again. Drew kept teasing Mal that he would come take it out which only upset her more.

So I wondered how in the world I would get it out. You can't really teach a one-year-old how to plug up the good nostril and launch that puppy out. And Edward was gone to a meeting, so I didn't have his help. I worried about the kernel getting stuck in her sinus cavity and causing an infection. And could it travel to and get lodged in her brain? Did this warrant a trip to the emergency room? Surprisingly with four children, we've never had one get an object stuck up his or her nose. About that time the phone rang. It was my sister-in-law, Katie, whose family was calling to wish Drew a happy birthday. I told her after they were done talking to Drew I needed to ask her a few questions. I knew she had some experience in the kid-sticking-objects-up-the-nose department. It's happened to her second child twice. So when I got back on the phone with her, she explained that yes, she had taken Sam to the doctor after he stuck a bead up his nose the first time. But the second time, he stuck a pill up there, and it just dissolved so she didn't have to take him in. She suggested that if we couldn't get it out, just to call the doctor to get her opinion.

I then (laughingly) called my sister who is a nurse, to get her opinion. She told me she stuck a bead up her nose in the third grade, and it never came out. She never told our Mom either. When I told Ross and Elizabeth, they thought that was amazing. Ross asked, "You mean it's still up there?!" Anyway, Andrea suggested I get a straw and try to suck it out. Hahahaha! Drew immediately ran and got a crazy straw.

About that time I decided that I needed another adult to help me hold her down. So I called Edward at his church meeting and asked him to come home. I'm not one of those wives that can't do anything or go any where without my husband, but I thought I better get his help so I didn't accidentally hurt her while trying extract the kernel from her nostril.

When he got home he held her down (as you can imagine, she was not too happy with us), Ross shined a flashlight up her nose, Drew was intently watching, and Elizabeth was sobbing uncontrollably while I came at Mallory with the straw. After two tries I realized that wasn't going to work. Edward released her for a minute while I went to go find tweezers. We put her back in the torture hold while I tried to work some magic with the tweezers. After three attempts, I realized that wasn't going to work either. So then I used the opposite, flat end and successfully flipped it out. Mallory immediately scrambled free from us and climbed up onto the couch for a little de-stressing and solitude. For the rest of the night, she would stick her finger up her nose and say, "All gone!"

And that, my friends, is how a crisis was averted at the Felker household.

Happy 5th Birthday, Drew Boy!

What's up, Chuck?

Do you know what is the scariest thing for me to wake up to in the middle of the night? A child crying out from a nightmare? No. A child falling out of bed? Nope. A burglar ransacking my house? Not even close. It's these five words: MOMMY, I'M GOING TO PUKE! Nothing jars me out of bed quicker than the thought of being splashed in the face with up-chuck! "WELL, GET TO THE BATHROOM!!!!" We had a fun night of this Friday. Drew had been coughing and coughing and coughing as I was lying down to go to sleep at 1:00 a.m. I helped him into the bathroom, but nothing happened so I laid him back down with a big bowl. A couple of minutes later, I still heard lots of coughing, then rapid running of his feet followed by "SPLAT. SPLAT. SPLAT" and more running into the bathroom. Fantastic. Apparently he made it into the bowl, then left the bowl in his bed as he ran into the bathroom, leaving a colorful and stinky trail into the toilet. Yay! I love cleaning that up in the middle of the night! And did it just get onto the tile floor where it would be easier to clean up? Of course not! It got all over the carpet, and then stopped just before the tile. When Edward and I were in bed again after cleaning up the mess, we both said we think it's getting harder to clean that up the older we get.

My kids have always been pukers. As babies, they could spit-up like no one's business. Ross was the worst! It was PROJECTILE, but it never seemed to bother him. He was unbelievable, I tell you! He would spit up (similar to the pressure you see from a fire hose) and finish with a smile on his face. We once had a family gathering at my parents' house when he was six months old. Everyone was lounging around the living room, and I was standing up, holding him as he was facing out toward everyone. He spit up, and I tried to swing him away from everyone, but it didn't work. I am not exaggerating when I say he sprayed fifteen feet, in a motion similar to a sprinkler. Everyone ducked for cover. My brother-in-law literally dove behind the couch, just as a combat soldier would. When Ross and Elizabeth were little I called them "Barf Boy and his trusty sidekick Gag Girl." After Drew was born, he had some trouble and had to stay in the nursery for a few hours before I could hold him. When they finally wheeled him into me after what seemed like an eternity, he spit up a bunch, and I said, "Yep, that one's mine!"

The kids don't get upset stomachs much at all. But when they get colds, look out! I would MUCH rather them get a stomach bug than a cold. They cough and cough until they erupt. I think it's a combination of their honkin' big tonsils (well, before the oldest two had theirs removed - Drew is next!) and their VERY sensitive gag reflexes. So, if your kid has a cold, we're steering clear of you!

Snow Days

Seven inches of sleet and snow has shut our town down for the past five days. I know it would be considered just a dusting to some of my Utah and Chicago friends and family, but we're enjoying the lazy days that accompany the first big snow of the season.

96

This weekend we celebrated my Great-Grandma's 96th birthday! She is quite an amazing woman. Three years ago on Thanksgiving, she fell and broke her hip. We all thought that was probably going to be the end of her long life because not many almost 93 year-olds would survive that injury. She was home in time to celebrate Christmas that year. Since that time she has lived with her daughter (my great-aunt) during the week, but she insists she live at her own house (by herself) on the weekends. My mom (pictured above with Grandma Rowe) and the three siblings of hers that live in the area, take one Sunday a month as their "Grandma Day." Since we join my parents each Sunday for family dinners, we get to be with her on the first Sunday of each month. Mentally she's still pretty spry. Her hearing isn't so great, and she has to use a walker to get around, but she's one remarkable woman! She's out lived her husband by nearly 40 years and out lived her son (my Grandpa) by twenty years.

My uncle Butch (my mom's twin) flew in from Washington to surprise Grandma, and the rest of us. It was great to see him.

My mom & her siblings

Randy, Mom, Cathy, Butch, Cindy

Grandma and all of her Grandchildren

She also has 19 Great-Grandchildren and 22 Great-Great-Grandchildren (I think) with two more on the way.

It's Not Just Mallory

Elizabeth played dressed-up, too, yesterday. Introducing Mariachi Elizabeth!

Mom's eyeliner completed the look.

OLE!

And Drew was running around yesterday as "Tarzan Baseball Soccer Underwear Boy."

More (Cute) Weirdness

I found Mal like this when I came downstairs this morning.
Elizabeth's shiney rock-star dress-up pants over her jammies and wearing Daddy's house shoes.