What in the world?

Do you ever see people out and about, and upon seeing their attire or behavior wonder, "What were they thinking?" I've been asking myself that a lot lately. Today I was at the store where I observed a young man wearing shorts and a THICK wool sweater. What? It's August. In Missouri. Granted, it's much cooler here (80 degrees) than it normally is in August, but that hardly warrants breaking out the winter clothes in my opinion.

It had me thinking about the people I observe in theme parks during the summer. I'm always baffled when I see people who wear black from head-to-toe, especially long pants and long sleeves. I recognize some religions require the head-to-toe dress, so certainly that's not what I'm talking about. It's usually "Goth" teen-agers. I don't get it. I understand they are trying to express themselves, but is that a higher priority to them than comfort?

And what about the ladies at theme parks or malls that walk around in stiletto heels? How in the world do they do that?!!? Or bling out with 47 pounds of jewelry. Give me comfort any day!

And what about extreme thrill seekers? I really don't get that! Specifically this guy:



What in the world was he thinking? I'm guessing he's really going to regret making that decision. But apparently he wasn't the only one who thought kite-boarding in a tropical storm sounded like a good idea. There is another guy helping him that is also in kite-boarding attire! Birds of a feather...

What to do with all these green peppers...

We are happily being bombarded with green peppers from our first ever garden. I'm trying to come up with some new recipes to use them up. I found some on my favorite recipe site, and they were delish! They were in no way healthy, but oh, so yummy!

Philly Cheesesteak Skillet Dinner

2 cups uncooked elbow macaroni
1 pound lean ground beef
1 medium onion, chopped
2 green bell pepper, seeded and chopped
salt and pepper to taste
1 (8 ounce) package processed cheese food, cubed (I actually used 4 oz. of Cheese Whiz)
1 (10.75 ounce) can condensed cream of mushroom soup
1/4 cup milk, or as needed

DIRECTIONS
Bring a pot of lightly salted water to a boil. Add the macaroni, and cook until tender, about 8 minutes. Drain.
Meanwhile, place the ground beef and onion into a large skillet, and cook, stirring to crumble, until meat is no longer pink, and onion is tender. Just before the beef is done, add the bell peppers, and cook until tender, but still green. Season with salt and pepper. Stir in the cheese food, condensed soup and milk to make a thick sauce.
Remove from the heat, and stir in the macaroni noodles. Serve and enjoy!

Spicy Sausage and Rice Casserole

28 ounces fresh, ground spicy pork sausage
1 cup uncooked long-grain rice
1 slice onion, diced
3 cloves garlic, minced
1 green bell pepper, chopped
1 red bell pepper, chopped
1 (28 ounce) can whole peeled tomatoes, crushed (I used fresh tomatoes.)
1 cup chicken broth
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon ground black pepper
1 teaspoon cayenne pepper

DIRECTIONS
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).
In a skillet, brown sausage and drain grease. Stir in rice, onion, garlic and peppers. Cook 5 minutes. Stir in tomatoes, chicken broth, salt, pepper and cayenne pepper. Pour into 9x13 inch pan.
Bake for 1 hour or until rice is tender and most of the liquid is absorbed. Or, at this step, you can cover and freeze it. (I actually just cooked this in a skillet on the stove - much quicker!)

School Started Today!

Not So Great Clips

I am a bargain queen. I love the thrill of the victory when I know I've saved money. Even though I have found a hairstylist that I really love (I enjoy her even more because she just charges $12 for a cut!!), I had a $5 off coupon to Great Clips that was burning a hole in my pocket. Normally, I'm comfortable going there if I just need a trim. For a new style or a shorter cut I usually go somewhere else.

Today I decided to take advantage of my niece's babysitting services before she goes back to school. I made a quick dash to Great Clips while Mallory napped. I got right in and told the "beautician" that I just wanted a little trim. Apparently, that translated to "cut off two inches and do whatever you want." She literally was done in 10 minutes. My left side had layers while my right didn't appear to have any. She started to blow dry my hair when I spoke up and said, "Um. This side looks quite a bit longer than the other side." She took out the scissors again and barely cut anything. I spoke up again and said it still looked longer. I part my hair on the side and she told me, "It's really because of the side part. When I pull both sides down, they look even." In my brain I was saying, "That's fine and dandy, but I don't go walking around in public pulling both sides down now do I!" She picked up the scissors and started cutting some more. I was terrified because she made way shorter layers than I wanted. They were about an inch shorter on my right side." I had to tell her three times to please trim my bangs. She snipped the scissors, but I don't think any hair ever fell down. She would ask, "How is that?" After the third time I just said, "That will work" all the while knowing I would cut my own bangs when I got home.

I feel like I'm walking around with a helmet. I hate the back the most. I wanted to keep it slightly stacked. There is NO shape at all - just a straight, blunt cut with one shorter layer. Ugh!

After I got home, Ross commented that my hair looked longer on one side. Ahhh! I hadn't even mentioned that to him! For a nine year old boy to mention it, it must be pretty obvious. Then later tonight, as I was bathing Mallory, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I said, "I HATE MY HAIR!!" Drew, not to go against the grain, said, "I hate your hair, too, Mommy."
After MUCH work (and hairspray) tonight, I'm feeling a bit better. This short of hair shouldn't have to take so long to make it look decent. I'm worried I'll find myself in the black of Glamour magazine as their "Don't."

It doesn't look as bad in this picture as I think it is. I will let it grow out for about a month before I go back to get it fixed. Remind me not to use my Great Clips coupons again!

Baby Birdy

This was my favorite picture of the trip. I accidentally deleted it in the previous post, and I wasn't about to re-type the whole thing.

Beach Vacation

For some crazy reason, I can't get Slide.com to work with my blog right now, so you've all been spared from the MANY pictures I was going to share!

Anyway, my parents treated my family to a week in Perdido Key, Florida. It is just between Gulf Shores, Alabama and Pensacola, Florida. We had a WONDERFUL and relaxing time.

The 11 hour drive was much better than we expected! The longest our kids have ever ridden in a car is five hours, so we were all a little apprehensive. I was the most worried about Mallory because she doesn't understand why she can't get out of her seat. In all honesty, she was THE BEST traveller of all the kids! She did amazingly well. She never cried once. The only time she had some trouble was just for about twenty minutes on the ride home where she called out, "Mom! Mom! Mom!" other than that she was perfect! Whew! We did try to take bathroom breaks about every two hours, and everyone went back to their seats without complaint. It makes me feel like we can attempt this again!

The beach we went to was about an hour away from Edward's sister's family. The crazy thing is about a week before we left, our brother-in-law was called to work in St. Louis (an hour from our house) for the entire week we were in Florida, and their whole family went along. How ironic was that! Anyway, they were driving home on the same day we were, and we miraculously managed to meet up as we passed each other on the highway where we pulled off for dinner together. It was WONDERFUL to be with their family, if only for an hour!

We arrived on a Saturday night. After eating dinner and shopping for groceries it was too late to go to the beach. We went to church the next day and played games before going down to the beach to take some photos. My dad had checked the weather that day and found that our area was feeling the effects of Tropical Storm Eduard and that the gulf was very dangerous. As we were taking photos that Sunday night, we saw lots of emergency vehicles about a half mile up the beach from our condo. It turns out a 56 year old man from Metairie, LA drowned while trying to help another swimmer. The next night another man drowned just a couple miles up from us in the other direction. So sad! Needless to say on Monday and Tuesday we only played in the water up to our shins.

The Wright Family
Our last night in Florida we waited for a ridiculous 2 hours to eat at this restaurant (The Fish House) in Pensacola. Pretty good food, but SO not worth the wait!!!!


Grammy & Grandad & the kids
I LOVE the bottom picture!!!


Mallory

Drew

Elizabeth

Ross

Felker Family

Playing around at the beach

The jellyfish were SO BAD the first few days we were there!!! The were all stirred up thanks to the tropical storm. Pretty much everyone in our group got stung numerous times. The best was when poor Harrison got stung and his helpful big brother alleviated his pain by urinating on his foot! I heard roars of laughter and saw Grant and Harrison off to themselves, Harrison's leg sticking out with a Grant taking aim. Brotherly love! Thanks to the education of Spongebob, Drew really wanted to make some jelly from all those jellyfish.

He also made me laugh when he told me, "I know what sand is made out of. It's made from a lot, a lot, a lot of salt and pepper.

The routine of most of our days was to eat a late breakfast, head to the beach, then I would leave early to bathe Drew and Mal in the garden tub. Taking long baths in the whirlpool was probably their favorite part of the trip. Mallory liked catching the drips from the faucet.

We took a dolphin cruise while we were there, and it was awesome! This company takes two boats out at a time, and where they know the dolphins are, they speed together side by side. The dolphins swim in between the boats and jump up out of the water. It was amazing! I would definitely recommend it to anyone!

Poor Drew was scared to death! All kids 8 and under had to wear life jackets, but no one could give him any comfort for the first 20 minutes. He was glued to the floor for fear of falling overboard. Poor little guy! It got a lot easier for him after he got more comfortable.

We went to a cheesy souvenir store (the entrance was through the shark's mouth) where there was plenty of junk for everyone! There was a lot of goofing around in there. Check out some of the charming merchandise:

goofy hats, mullet wig/hats, dog head staplers, faux kittens, and real alligator heads

We'd been promising the kids all week we would go hunt for crabs one night. On our final night there we made good on our promise, and we had a really fun time. We headed down to the beach with nets and flashlights. There were a lot of laughs because the of darkness and the thought of creatures scampering in the sand. Drew was particularly jumpy that night. We released the crabs back into the sea and sand after we'd caught about 10. The kids had a blast.

30

I'm entering into a new decade today, and at this point I'm fine with it. My oldest two think I am so old. Last week Edward asked the kids what they thought they should do for my birthday. It was agreed upon that I should have breakfast in bed. Elizabeth, however, told me that I had to have an "old person's breakfast of oatmeal and prunes, with Tums to finish the meal." Oh, the perspective of a child!

My sweetheart sent me the following message this morning, and it made my day:

STEPHANIE I CAN NOT BEGIN WITH THE MANY WAYS I LOVE YOU BUT I WANTED TO GIVE YOU A LIST OF AT LEAST 30 REASONS I LOVE YOU....

1) YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL TO ME....OH HOW I LOOK AT YOUR FACE AND MY HEART GOES PITTER PATTER WITH LOVE
2) YOUR ONLY WORKING DESIRE IS TO BE A MOTHER
3) YOU HAVE A TESTIMONY OF THE GOSPEL
4) YOUR LOVE OF FAMILY
5) YOUR QUIET LEADERSHIP ( I SEE THIS IN SCOUTS AND SAW IT AS A PRIMARY PRESIDENT...WOW I AM IMPRESSED)
6) YOUR UNFAILING LOVE FOR ME, REGARDLESS OF MY FAULTS
7) YOUR CAPTIVATING LAUGH
8) YOUR ABILITY TO TELL A STORY AND TELL IT WELL
9) THE SACRIFICE YOU MADE TO CARRY AND BIRTH EACH CHILD
10) I LOVE THE BLOG YOU HAVE BEGUN AND MAINTAIN
11) HOW YOU TAKE CARE OF ME WHEN I AM SICK
12) YOU COOK DINNER FOR OUR FAMILY WITHOUT COMPLAINT
13) YOU DESIRE TO ATTEND THE TEMPLE
14) YOU LOVE THE KIDS REGARDLESS OF WHAT TYPE OF DAY YOU MAY HAVE HAD
15) YOU LOVE BABIES
16) YOU ARE FUNNY
17) YOU TELL ME YOU LOVE ME
18) YOU TELL THE KIDS YOU LOVE THEM
19) YOU READ WITH THE KIDS
20) YOU TEACH THE KIDS AND ME THE PIANO
21) YOU WORK WITH TEACHING THE KIDS HOW TO WORK THROUGH OUR BELOVED CHORES
22) YOU MAKE ME WHAT EVER KIND OF CAKE/DESERT I WANT FOR MY BIRTHDAY.
23) YOU ARE A HARD WORKER
24) YOU KEEP ON ME ABOUT KIDS AND FAMILY PICTURES, THAT I KNOW I ENJOY AFTER THE GRUELING PICTURE TIME...
25) YOU KEEP THE HOME STOCKED WITH FOOD
26) YOU RESPECT MY FAMILY...MOM AND SIBLINGS...THANK YOU
27) YOU LOVE ALL PEOPLE
28) YOU DO NOT COMPLAIN WHEN I HAVE TO STAY LATE AT WORK, OR NEED TO GIVE EXTRA TIME IN SERVICE IN MY CALLINGS AT CHURCH
29) YOU LET THE BOYS WRESTLE, EVEN THOUGH IT IS NOT YOUR FAV OF SPORTS
30) BEST OF ALL I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART BECAUSE YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE!

I LOVE YOU

How lucky am I?

11 Years of Wedded Bliss

While we were on our trip Edward and I celebrated our eleventh wedding anniversary. We both agreed it seems like we've been together forever. It's hard to remember life without each other, and that's a great thing!

We celebrated by going out to eat at a great little restaurant. Edward was happy with a cheeseburger, and I was in heaven with crab legs. He joked that I always enjoy the "Polo" while he gets the store brand.

After dinner, we capped off the night with a go-kart race. He won, but we both had a fun time.

Here's to many more!

Home Sweet Home

We survived! I've been messing around editing my pictures, so no update right now. I hope to post about our trip in the next day or two. It could take a while because I have over 500 pictures. That's just nuts.

StoryNory

We are leaving Friday night for a fun beach vacation to the Gulf Coast. Every other year, my wonderful parents treat my family, my sister's family, and my two brothers to a vacation. We all get to cast our votes to where we might want to visit. We've been to the great St. Louis sites, the beach in Florida, Bar Harbor, Maine, and Disney World. We've voted to head back to the beach, since the last time we were there, there were only four grandchildren. Ross was only 13 months old when we went last, so I'm excited for the other kids to have a chance to play at the beach. Anyway, we found a great 6 bedroom/6 bath condo on the beach near Pensacola.

My dad travels the country for business usually on a weekly basis, so he can really rack up the frequent flier miles and hotel points in a hurry. We've usually always flown, but we've voted to save up his frequent flier miles to use in two years so we can all fly to Hawaii or Puerto Vallarto (that's my vote so we can put our passports to good use!) or some other tropical paradise. So, we're driving the 11 hours to the beach this time. I have to say, I'm VERY NERVOUS (I know, I know... I'm a wimp!) about the trip, especially with Mallory!!!! She is NOT a good traveller. The longest our kids have ridden in an automobile at one time is 5 1/2 hours. Since they've never travelled in the van this long, they don't know what to do either. We do have a DVD player, but I don't want them to be vegging out watching it the entire time. We'll of course pack lots of toys and books which they all love, especially Mal & Drew.

I've been on a search to get some other ideas to help keep them entertained, and I found a GREAT website! It is called StoryNory. They have over 100 children's audio books you can download for FREE! I've already filled two hours worth of stories, and I'd like to try to get some more. As I've been downloading them, the kids have been BEGGING me to let them listen to them. Yay! I've told them they will have to wait for the trip.

Anyway, just curious if any of you other seasoned travellers have any suggestions for me. Do you have any tried and true methods for keeping your kids and your self sane on long car trips?

Wasp Stings and Mosquito Bites and Poison Ivy, Oh My!

Ahhhh, the joys of summer! I'm feeling like I've been stricken with a plague! Thankfully, my arm is completely back to normal after the wasp sting. I'm good there. However, the mosquitoes are getting re-acquainted with their Ole' Buddy Stephanie. "Hey Herb! Remember this ole' gal? We're gonna have a feast tonight!" I must taste really sweet or something because they've always loved me. In fact, Edward says he doesn't even need bug spray when I'm around. He says I'm his bug repellent. Anyway, after weeding in the garden last Saturday for a mere five minutes, I returned with 34 mosquito bites on my left leg and 37 on my right - from the knee down on each leg. And that was at 1:00 in the blazing sun! Forget going down there in the cooler evenings!

As if I wasn't already itchy enough, I've picked up poison ivy somewhere along the way. Now, normally that's Edward's affliction du jour. He is terribly susceptible to it. When he was younger he would swell like a balloon, sometimes having his eyes swell nearly shut. For me, I've prided myself in only having it once in my life, and I think it was a tiny patch on my pinkie. Every time Edward has ever had it, I've never gotten it. Until now. Yay me! I was itching before Drew, Elizabeth and I went blueberry/blackberry picking Saturday. The week before, we did go out to a state park for a little while (Elizabeth went camping with our friends, the Williams, and when we picked her up at the campsite, we stayed to roast hot dogs, make s'mores, and visit for the evening), but I stayed in a chair by the fire the entire time - never venturing out into the woods. Who knows how I got this. It started out as one tiny little itchy place on my neck. I just figured it was another mosquito bite. Within a few days I was itching on my legs and thighs, all around my neck, on my chest and back, arms, and a little spot on my chin. Drew also has it on his arms and now neck and side. I asked Edward if his was poison ivy, and he said, "Yes." I asked him about mine (before it had spread so much) and he answered the same way. Nice.

So last night I did some searching on the Internet about how to get rid of it. Here are some suggestions:

The only over-the-counter poison ivy medication which contains the urushiol killing mineral spirits is called Technu. This stuff works wonders to kill the oil that causes the skin infection, thereby also preventing spread of the oil to other parts of the body. So, buy Technu, and follow all the instructions and warnings on its label.
Isn't that the name of a video game?

If you can't afford to buy Technu, or are just too cheap, then there is another option for the desperate: paint thinner.
Um, won't that burn?

You can put tooth paste on the infected areas and let it sit for 5-10 min. Do this twice a day for 3 days and it will go away.
And your arm will smell minty fresh, too!

Apply cool, wet compresses. Moisten a clean washcloth in cool water and apply to skin for several minutes. Re-moisten the cloth as needed to keep it cool. Using cold whole milk instead of water has proven more effective for some people, and an ice compress can relieve particularly nasty swelling or burning.
Do you now how expensive milk is these days?! Heck no!

Swimming in a pool with chlorine may assist. The chlorine cleans and disinfects the rash. Spend as much time as possible in the pool. Try at least 3-4 hours at a public pool. After doing this the itching will usually stop completely, it will start to go away within days, and will barely spread.
Now you're talking my language!

Bleach also seems to work well when it comes to treating poison ivy. If the poison is on your hand, find a small bowl and soak your hand in it for several minutes. It will sting quite a bit, but it would clean it right out.
And then if that doesn't do the trick, get a blow torch and burn the first 27 layers of skin off. That should make the rash disappear completely!

rub gasoline on all affected areas, then rinse well with soap and water……
And DO NOT light a match! Yikes!

OK this is a really gross way to get rid of poison but it works. it is from the mountains and my grandparents told me about it and how to do it. when u have the poison ivy/oak/sumac then urinate in a plastic container and put a washrag in it and wash over the affected spot, once applied evenly wait till it dries and then go take a shower and wash over spot really good so you get the urine off. i used to have poison ivy really bad but now that i have tried this method i haven't had it in years
Okay, okay, my poison ivy isn't THAT BAD! I'm sure three out of my four children would be happy to help me with this remedy!

If you can find good, old fashioned lye soap, scrub the heck out of the affected area. It will burn when you are doing it, but it dries it up faster than anything I have tried.
The next time I run into Pa and Ma Engalls, I'll be sure to ask to borrow theirs.

Find Jewel Weed, instructions for applying the remedy can be found here:
Um, I think that's illegal every where except California. I'd better not.

Use common sense when trying home remedies. Some of the suggestions you may hear or read about may actually be harmful, so exercise caution and ask your doctor’s advice before trying anything questionable.
You think? Thanks for the permission.

I discovered there are some really weird people in the world. Anyway, I'm thinking this fluffy, pasty white, rash-laden body is gonna look mighty fine on the beach next week! I hope I don't run into any blind people. If they touch my skin they might think I'm a walking billboard, advertising in Braille!

Our First Garden

We planted a garden this year for the first time ever. It seems every spring we always say, "maybe next year."

We certainly have plenty of room on our property for one. We put it back in the corner of our second lot, so as not to disturbs Ross' baseball field :) The garden is right next to a creek bed, just close enough for the mosquitoes to feast on us when we go weed or pick the veggies.

We have tomatoes, zucchini, yellow squash, and peppers right now. I really need to stake the tomato plants because they are getting a bit droopy. Also, something keeps tasting the tomatoes for us! Arg! Just when one is just about ready to pick, I'll come out to get it and there are bites taken out of it! I'm guessing a turtle. The okra is coming along now that I'm staying on top of sprinkling them with 7 Dust to keep the critters from sampling the leaves.

The empty back half of the garden was once home to corn, green beans, cucumbers, and sweet peas, but we donated those plants to some bunnies. Wasn't that nice of us?

Our biggest success is the pepper plants. There is nothing like fresh homegrown vegetables! It's one of my favorite parts of summer!

A Limmerick

I have a sweet little babe,

Who phoned 9*1*1 today.

Cops came to our place,

To see we were safe.

With the phone, she'll ne'er again play.

Mallory called 911 today. I know, I know. My 15 month old is a genius.

Elizabeth and Mallory were playing as I was making salsa in the kitchen today. Mallory was playing with the phone, when I heard Elizabeth shout, "MOM!! Mallory just called someone!!!" I took the phone away and told her it was okay. About 10 minutes later the doorbell rang. Ross and Elizabeth went to answer it, and I hear Elizabeth scream at the top of her lungs, "THE COPS!!!!!!" as she comes running in to me. I walked in to open the front door and found two officers. One was the father of a boy in Ross' class & husband of woman who has known my family for years. He was grinning, seeing me come to the door followed my little ducklings. The other police man was "Officer Straight Face." He didn't seem to appreciate having to come check in on us. After assuring them that we were indeed safe, they went on their merry way. The door closed, and Elizabeth said, "I thought you were gonna get arrested."

Now, lucky me, three of my four kids have called 911 at some point. All but Drew have made this Rite of Passage. Oh joy! One time, the 911 call was really legit, though. 4 year-old Ross called 911 for me when Elizabeth had her first febrile seizure at age two. I was a bit spooked because it seemed to go on forever. Other than that time, it's all been for fun :-)

*On a side note, I can't for the life of me figure out why I can't space between my paragraphs! Arg! Something must be set this way, and I don't know how in the world to fix it! Sorry! I do know how to write correctly, but blogger just won't let me!

No Fear

It's not every day that you see a 14 month old that wants to jump off a diving board. She loves it. The first time she tried it, she jumped off 10 times in a row.

This is one little girl that keeps her Momma on her toes!

Lots of Fear

Drew is the complete opposite of Mallory.

Brought to you by the letter "Y"

The kids took turns sleeping on the air mattress recently. This is the funny sight Edward saw one night before turning in.

Hello, down there!

And this is how I found Elizabeth sleeping on the air mattress when it was her turn:

...really sunken in. It's kind of hard to tell from this picture, but she was practically touching the ground. Somehow (I don't know how it could happen - it's not like I have four monkeys jumping on the bed each time the air mattress rolls out.) the air mattress got a hole in it, and it deflates while you're sleeping on it. I've looked and looked, but I can't find the hole to patch it up.

*On a side note, I really need to audition Elizabeth's room for Clean Sweep or something. She is our collector/hoarder. I call her the Queen of Crap because of all of her, shall I say, treasures.

Yowza!

Is this normal?

I was stung by a wasp two days ago while at the pool, and I've woken up the past two mornings to find the red itchy spot at least doubled in size each day.

I'm not having trouble breathing, and I just took some loratadine (hope that helps). I've only been stung by a wasp one other time, so I'm hoping this is normal. I would hate for my arm to turn green and fall off.

Phone Etiquette

Let's say, hypothetically, a four year old boy answered the telephone (On the first ring. Before his mother could get to it. He was in the basement. And she was on the second floor. They were separated by three levels) by saying, "Hello? Are you poop? I thought you were poop." And the person on the other end worked for the woman's husband's insurance company. Hypothetically, how would you punish him?

I'll Take Two, Mr. Ronco!

Thanks to the hiatus from our school schedule this summer, my quest to find a peaceful moment to myself often extends well into the wee hours of morning. During the school year, my bed time is often midnight. This summer it has been more like 1:00 to 2:00 a.m. I've always been a night owl, and have never really enjoyed waking in the early morning hours (Who am I kidding? I consider anything before 9:00 a.m. to be early. Do I usually get up before then? Almost always) . "Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise." Thank goodness I'm not a man, because I would definitely be unhealthy, unwealthy, and unwise! While I bask in my quiet midnight solitude, I can usually be found working on household or crafting projects, reading, on the computer, or catching up on some t.v. I've decided that it's a good thing I don't have a credit card handy while watching late-night t.v. Why? Those ridiculous infomercials really have me wanting their products?

I want a Magic Bullet! Why, if I had one, I could have my family's dinner made in MERE SECONDS instead of an hour!

I'd love The Juicer! If I had one, I could serve my family nutritious kale/beet/lima bean beverages to go along with their meals!

I really want The Clapper! It would certainly make all those awakening-from-deep-sleep-to-go-with-children-on-bathroom/drink-trips a whole lot easier!

To tell the truth, I really do want one of those ShamWow's. It probably could soak up the Mississippi River with just one swipe! That baby would definitely get some good use in a house full of monkeys!

I'm really thinking I could make an extra $208,947 this year if I just follow Carlton Sheet's advice!

Those Kinoki Detox Foot Pads really look like a rad deal! All I have to do is slap those suckers on my bare feet when I sleep, and when I wake up, Viola! Toxins Be Gone!

And who could forget Ronco's Spray On Hair! Doesn't every man want to spray paint his bald spot to match his hair color?

Sign me up people! I want to get while the gettin's good!